Thursday, 11 September 2014

Pin-up Hippie

This has been my most worn outfit of the Summer by far. If I thought I could get away with wearing this outfit again I did, I just love it! It's the perfect mixture of rock grunge, those 50's curves and bohemian influence.

Top: Topshop
Shorts: Topshop
Kimono: River Island
Boots: Topshop
Hair Colour: Directions Lavender
Lip Shade: Mac Russian Red

Monday, 18 August 2014

The Robin Williams Post

Personal Message: I wanted to post this sooner but I just couldn't find the words till now...
On the 12th August 2014 the news of Robin Williams death was a real blow for me and the rest of the world. I grieved for his family as I read the touching tweet, “Genie your Free” from the Academy. I thought long and hard about his, others and my own life journey whilst coping with depression. Social Media was alive with thoughts, messages and views from all angles and today I would like to share with my readers a few comments along with my own.

I am reminded of another great man who suffers daily with this condition. "Depression is as real as the weather…it’s all about a kind of mental umbrella. 'Hey-ho, it’s raining inside: it isn’t my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow and when it does, I shall take full advantage.'”  Stephen Fry

It was amazing to see all the comments and people talking about their experiences with depression, (some the first time) it became almost comforting to know I was not alone and although the circumstances where tragic, I couldn't help but think it was a step in the right direction.
Yes there was still the odd comment of “this is just a distraction from what’s going on the the real world” (anon) and “suicide is a cowardly act” (anon). Trust me, I myself used to share these opinions and until you yourself or a loved one suffers this horrendous illness, you have no idea how one tiny event or circumstance shuts down the logical part of your mind and traps you in a darkened room from which there is no escape. So I ask you all, please hold your judgement's, listen with tolerance and understanding. For it is these kinds of options that stop people asking for the help they need. Jason Maford reminds us of the analogy from Watchmen:-

“Man goes to Doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says “But doctor... I am Pagliacco.”

The happiest person who greets you with a smile every day, who is full of fun and life maybe holding something back.

I have been trying to document my experiences on this issue since I began my journey with depression because "No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world." Robin Williams. I urge others to read them, if only to gain understand, insight or to discover you are not alone in your struggle. Links will be left below:-


Before I leave you with the important words from Jason Manford, let me just say again and again...
You are loved and important to this world. Even if you don't think so, you are!

If you feel alone and down, anxious and low. If you feel deep sadness but can't find a root cause. If people tell you to 'snap out of it' or 'things can only get better' or 'what doesn't kill you makes you strong', know that it's simply not always true. Sometimes it does kill you.
Please. Ask for help. If you have no one or if you don't want to tell them yet, then ring Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 for someone to talk to, or talk to your GP.
The world needs you even more then you think, it does. I promise, we need you here, now. 
Jason Manford

In memory of a wonderful man...

Sunday, 3 August 2014

My first experience with Reiki: Alternative healing

Can I firstly say I had no idea what I was getting myself into...
I had had two therapy sessions and felt the techniques just weren't working. Not that they weren't working, I know they don't fix you over night but the exercises just seemed to overwhelming to even start to tackle. I was recommended Reiki as an alternative therapy. I had heard of this once before but never really gave it a second thought. However I also felt desperate, frustrated even. I felt like I was on the brink of a break through with no way of actually breaking through.

I stumbled across a Reiki taster and tea session and booked myself in.  As I walked through the door on a stifling hot day. The smell of incense filled the air. "Oh god" I thought "Am I in over my head?" I sat down and the practitioner Julie began to explain about the healing powers of Angelic Reiki (the form of Reiki I was receiving that day) and how the energy flows through her from the higher powers of angels and if I'm drawn to a crystal pick it up. "This is all a bit hippy" I thought "Try and keep an open mind" I said to myself.

Mystical World Store where I have my Reiki sessions. CLICK HERE for their facebook page and discover alternative practices.

I kept my eye on one crystal as she began. I liked the shape and the white glow of it. However I was far to nervous to pick it up so I shut my eyes. She lit white spirit sage and cleansed the area. It reminded me of all those shows I used to watch as a teen (mainly Buffy the Vampire Slayer) "Is this for real or what??" Ran through my mind.

Reiki taster and tea

As she began the treatment, I firstly found my breathing became uncontrollable and panicked. She told me to just relax and focus on deep breathing. Then I experienced this truly intense headache, how I would imagine a migraine would feel, (have never experienced one.) She asked me if I felt heady as if she sensed this. She moved her hands to my knees and my feet and gave me the crystal I'd been looking at. I told her I like this one and she told me, "feel free to pick them up, I thought you wanted it." My headache eased of and she moved her hand over my heart. It was a really warm sensation flowing through your body and you almost feel like something is vibrating through you.

Selection of healing crystals

She continues to tell me I have a very strong heart Chakra, whatever that means. Tears began to stream down my face, "what is going on?" I thought. It was completely uncontrollable. She said it's OK it's a perfectly natural reaction. She  gave me a different crystal and put her hands back onto me knees and feet and the crying stopped. I began to feel more relaxed as she moved her hand around my body not always even making contact. I could still feel the her from her hands. The treatment had come to an end I was left feel relaxed yet slightly vulnerable.

If you want to learn more about Angelic Reiki or wish to see my practitioner, Julie has her own facebook page! CLICK HERE for the link.

She sat down and encouraged me to drink whilst we chatted. She told me that I was very sensitive. Not in the way of being over emotional, apparently because my heart is wide open I pick up on other peoples moods. What we discussed after I shall have to keep to myself as I'm afraid to bore you any long. I will say though it was scarily accurate to the point I was worried she could tell what I was thinking the whole time. (She assured me she could not.)
To conclude, although my Reiki experience wasn't exactly relaxing first time round, the sensation was powerful enough for me to book a full slot. I really enjoyed the history, mean and experience and I'm looking forward to continuing with my healing journey.

Monday, 28 July 2014

OOTD: From City To Beach

A casual night out with my boyfriend, best friend and her boyfriend. Boy was it hot! This translucent maxi skirt was perfect to keep cool and not show off too much skin! This simple look is enhanced with a seriously beachy statement necklace.

Skirt: Primark
Shoes: Zara
Necklace: Market in Greece

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Stupid things people say to people with depression

I've been seeing a therapist for the last two months now following my battle with depression.  After my last post on the subject, I’ve come to realise that there are a lot of myths and misconceptions about depression.  Most of the misconceptions come from a lack of education on the subject.  In addition to depression being misunderstood there is also a stigma attached to it, which tends to turn some people into judgemental know it all's.  The only way to change the way people think about it is to talk about it.
I’ve heard all these comments come from the mouths of people who I have shared my struggles with.  I know that they all mean well but unless you yourself have been there (or helped someone who has) it’s hard to understand what people are going through.  

These classic responses are all comments I have dealt with and please take heed when I say, these are things that you should not say to your loved one who is depressed.
 You just need to snap out of it.”  
Nobody chooses to be depressed! Depression is not a choice any more than diabetes or arthritis is a choice.  And just like diabetics and people with arthritis can not “snap out of it” neither can people who are depressed.  It is no different than many physical illnesses in that it has genetic and biological reasons for it.  Trust me if we could get to cloud nine we would be there!
“You’re just being selfish.  Life isn’t about being happy all the time.”
Again, depression is not a choice.  People don’t become depressed because they are unhappy with their life.  Well, I suppose some people do, but the majority of people have actual biological reasons for their depression.  I don’t expect my life to be perfect and without any struggles.  Please don’t make assumptions about someone’s character or the reasons for their depression.   

“But you don’t have anything to be depressed about.”
No, I really don’t.  I had a great childhood.  I have loving parents.  My boyfriend loves me unconditionally and I have the most beautiful pug in the world. I really don’t have anything to be depressed about.  And yet, it is something that I deal with every day and on that note who do you think you are to judge anyone this way?

"We all struggle! If I can cope, what's your problem?"

This one really grinds my gears. Don't be so self righteous about it... You may have no idea what is happening in someone else's life. Please don't be so quick to judge the degree of strength another person has when they confide and trust in you enough to share something that can sometimes be embarrassing.

One more thing guys. We are building ourselves up from scratch and the best thing you can do is this. 

Show us endless patients
Wipe away our tears
Remind us of your love with lots of cuddles

This sums it up beautifully...

Saturday, 12 July 2014

Subconscious Positive Steps Towards Beating Depression: My Experience

"My focus is everywhere. I just can't consentrate. All I do is sleep!"
All I was able to do was sleep, get myself to work and make sure I was eating right. I became part of the social team at my local Slimming world.

"I can't face the housework, it's just too much!"
Still I was deeply unhappy. My family was all around me but I felt utterly alone. Until I spoke to my mum. We never had the best relationship but she would come over and help me clean my house. We got a lot closer.

"The only one that truely loves me is my dog!"
I made sure my beautiful pug puppy would get walked daily. He was so beautiful and loved me even when I cried. By walking him twice a day I became fitter and more motivated. It was around this time began hairdressing again. Doing only mobile and fitting it around my eating plan and walking my dog. I then got my acceptance letter from university and I began writing my blog again.

At this stage I began to experience happy days. This didn't happen all the time. I was more often then not on edge and nervous. Constantly worrying about money, my relationship the state of my life. However positivity started to creep back into my life. I look back on all the small things I have achieved without realising during this miserable time, becoming part of a social team, building a better relationship with my mum, getting into university and starting my own business.

We are quick to forget our own achievements, however they are there. A glowing representation of what wonderful people we are and how hard we work. Even if it is just the little things. They count too and sometimes more!

Those who are suffering, I know you feel truely rotten and that your no good. Please remember what you have achieved so far! Even if it is just that you got up the courage to leave your bed! When you are hurting as you are that is quite a big achievement indeed!

Thank You

Thursday, 10 July 2014

Don't Let Depression Manifest!: My Experience

Recently I have been struggling. Although I feel I'm at the end of my struggle, this needs to be shared as I don't want anyone to make the same mistake I didIt is hard for me to admit this to myself. Let alone others. I'm just going to type. 

I suffer with depression anxiety. This is a generalised term for what it actually means. Society has a negative stigma towards mental health which really needs addressing. However through these negative reactions and disbelief towards my problem it became worse. I felt I was wrong. It couldn't be everyone else. There must be something wrong with me! 

Denial makes the situation worse. What you are feeling is real accept it!

"How can I accept it? If this is true then I'm weak. I don't deserve positivity.  I've succumbed to my thoughts. It must all just be in my head. I must try harder. Everyone else can do it. If I ignore it, it will go away."

Really it won't just go away.

It will just manifest until one day your Boss decides, "I can't be bothered with your excuses anymore if you want to leave, you know where the door is." And you turn around, unsure what has just happened. Leave, thinking you've ruined your life because you can't control your emotions. This is not true! You were being stifled. Suffocated by the complete bullshit that people tell you to cope with their own shit that they are dealing with. 
It is hard to concentrate on building yourself up again when bills still have to be paid and housework still has to be done.

Your NOT being selfish.

You need this time to figure things out. If the washing doesn't get done, it's OK. Sometimes it takes all our effort just to get ourselves to work. That's OK! This won't get better over night.

Just take it one step at a time.

One month off work, no money, no hope.
"I can't go back to hairdressing. I'm useless. What can I do with my life?"
I applied to university and got a part time bar job. I also began to see a Therapist.
"How embarrassing, I don't need to see a therapist. I'm just having a change in career."
After my first session with the therapist. I thought, actually maybe this is real but I feel to shit to do anything about it.

Eureka! You may feel worse then ever but now you have a fixable problem!