Thursday, 10 July 2014

Don't Let Depression Manifest!: My Experience

Recently I have been struggling. Although I feel I'm at the end of my struggle, this needs to be shared as I don't want anyone to make the same mistake I didIt is hard for me to admit this to myself. Let alone others. I'm just going to type. 

I suffer with depression anxiety. This is a generalised term for what it actually means. Society has a negative stigma towards mental health which really needs addressing. However through these negative reactions and disbelief towards my problem it became worse. I felt I was wrong. It couldn't be everyone else. There must be something wrong with me! 

Denial makes the situation worse. What you are feeling is real accept it!

"How can I accept it? If this is true then I'm weak. I don't deserve positivity.  I've succumbed to my thoughts. It must all just be in my head. I must try harder. Everyone else can do it. If I ignore it, it will go away."

Really it won't just go away.

It will just manifest until one day your Boss decides, "I can't be bothered with your excuses anymore if you want to leave, you know where the door is." And you turn around, unsure what has just happened. Leave, thinking you've ruined your life because you can't control your emotions. This is not true! You were being stifled. Suffocated by the complete bullshit that people tell you to cope with their own shit that they are dealing with. 
It is hard to concentrate on building yourself up again when bills still have to be paid and housework still has to be done.

Your NOT being selfish.

You need this time to figure things out. If the washing doesn't get done, it's OK. Sometimes it takes all our effort just to get ourselves to work. That's OK! This won't get better over night.

Just take it one step at a time.

One month off work, no money, no hope.
"I can't go back to hairdressing. I'm useless. What can I do with my life?"
I applied to university and got a part time bar job. I also began to see a Therapist.
"How embarrassing, I don't need to see a therapist. I'm just having a change in career."
After my first session with the therapist. I thought, actually maybe this is real but I feel to shit to do anything about it.

Eureka! You may feel worse then ever but now you have a fixable problem!


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